michaelhong.com

Damn. I tried to post at least once a day, but I failed yesterday after being sucked into a marathon Halo session (see how I wasted my time). I think I’m the only one that cares, but don’t worry, I’m going to make it up to myself. First tidbit of information: if you didn’t read one of my comments to my stories, I will be coming home for sure the first two weekends of March. That means lots of Doogle’s.

And just to tide you over to my next post (later today, if all goes according to plan)…
My advice to my 12-year old readers (none of you):
If you’re 12-years old and want to get married, you’d better high-tail it to Kansas in the next few weeks. A bill was passed modifying the minimum age to get married (currently 12). The scary thing? One person dissented. WTF Representative Bonnie Huy?

From the article:

Just last year, a 23-year-old Nebraska man, Matthew Koso, brought his pregnant 14-year-old girlfriend to Kansas to get married. The couple was married, but Koso has since been sentenced to prison for sexual assault.

Gotta love those crazy Nebraskans. Thankfully though, Nebraska law forbids sexual relations between adults 19 and older and children under 16. (Koso is in jail. He should have stayed in Kansas)

Linkage: KAKE | Marriage bill passes with one dissenting vote

I need something to undo all of the cuteness from yesterday. It’s time for something a little more sinister. If I had to pick two candies that I cannot stand, I’d pick Peeps and Cadbury Eggs, not necessarily in that order. While those marshmallow Peeps and Cadbury Eggs are harbingers of Easter, they are nasty. To those of you who love Cadbury eggs, come over and visit. I have some Cadbury eggs for you. Though the filling might not be what you expect, thanks to this how-to guide (How to make a Cadbury BBQ sauce egg). I think I have found someone that hates Cadbury eggs and its eaters as much as I do. He meticulously takes you through the entire operation, from the unwrapping, to the incision, to the replacement of the filling, and the closing. The author recommends welding it back together with a knife and a lighter, to seal the cut.
With great power, however, comes great responsibility. Here are some things to keep in mind.

DO leave the egg out in the open office environment…nobody will ever touch your shit again.
DO feed it to a drunk buddy. See if he/she notices.
DO feel free to end a bad relationship with a Mustard egg.
DO fill a basket with various flavoured eggs and leave them on the front desk of your #1 competitor.
DO help your kids break their chocolate habit. Whipped broccoli filling works well for this.
DO NOT return the egg to the store or plant them in the store.
DO NOT fill the egg with anything dangerous.
DO NOT abuse this power too much.

I’m gonna go to the store, pick me up some eggs, and give this a try. I’ll let you know how it goes (I’ll try to take some pictures). I’m putting cod-liver oil in mine. What’s in your Cadbury egg?

One has whatever is normally in a Cadbury egg. The other, BBQ sauce. Which one is which? Try them both!

I have just witnessed the highest dosage of cuteness anyone should ever be exposed to.

The site, aptly named, is cuteoverload.com

According to their website,

At Cute Overload®, we scour the Web for only the finest in Cute Imagery™. Imagery that is Worth Your Internet Browsing Time. We offer an overwhelming amount of cuteness to fill your daily visual allowance. Drink it in!

Don’t go to cuteoverload.com. Just trust me on this one. Unless you want to see things like the “Puppy Mover Monorail.” You’ve been warned.

“Don’t look at us. We’re too cute!”

About 10 months ago, I posted about the Burger King, aka my arch nemesis (see Burger King King). At that time, I asked you whether or not Jack (from Jack in the Box) could kick Burger King’s ass. Since that time, I’ve seen the King of Burgers pretty much everywhere, including in football where he intercepts a pass and running it for a touchdown. He’s been unchallenged and still remains at his throne, while Jack has had problems ordering food from his own restaurant with his Jack Cash card.

I just learned that The King will be invading one of my favorite games, Fight Night (a boxing game), in its upcoming version. The line must be drawn here. Since Mr. in the Box won’t do anything, it’s time for me to step up. I’m gonna relish the moment I punch the King in his face and wipe that cocky grin off of it. And don’t worry. I’ll record a video for all of you to watch my crowning achievement and then I’ll show off my trophy: a bloody, demoralized King. And then, the Burger Queen, Brooke Burke, will be mine. What’s that you say? You didn’t know they’re together? Well, apparently after they destroyed Hootie’s career in that Tendercrisp Cheddar Bacon Ranch wonderland, things heated up. Don’t believe me? Take a look for yourself.

What’s going on here?

Take a look at an image of the upcoming game. Note the cockiness of the King and the fear of the scantily glad girl, as she has her hands raised.

“Please King, don’t hurt me!” - scantily clad girl

King, I will fight you to defend the honor of scantily clad girls everywhere. Your days are numbered.

Note to my future caretaker: I do not want my mummified body to be sitting in front of a TV for the rest of eternity. I have done enough of that already. Instead, maybe you can put me in a rock-climbing pose, in a permanent state of rappeling. Something cool, and EXTREME! Anyway, Kathy Painter, a caretaker for Johannas Pope, preserved Pope’s body in front of a TV, per her orders. Officials discovered the body 2.5 years after Pope died. The most disturbing part of this had to be:

Painter left Pope’s body in a chair in an air-conditioned room on the second floor of their Davies Place home.

Investigators learned that Painter took care of Pope’s body - trying to preserve it.

Owens said Painter put on gloves and removed the maggots from Pope’s body daily.

He said she used bug spray when they became too numerous to remove by hand. Investigators found 17 cans of bug spray in the house, he said.

“She really took care of (the body),” Owens said.

Painter even bought Pope new clothes just before officials discovered her body.

“She bought new clothes because she thought this was the time period she was coming back,” Owens said.

Then, the air conditioner that had been helping preserve the body broke. I can’t even imagine the smell. But don’t worry, Painter will be OK, as there is no law in Ohio mandating the report of a dead body.

Linky: enquirer.com (Cincinnati)